I had a thought last night, before I went to sleep, about purpose in this life.
There are many things that people find fulfilling, that people enjoy, that brings about happiness and joy and excitement. But there are few things that fulfill a heart like purpose can.
This is something I have thought about before, but I have never really been able to articulate it. This will be my first attempt.
I am the type of person who analyzes everything, to the point of distraction or insanity. I look for signs and clues in everything I do, see and hear. I feel bad for people who talk with me, because if you didn't know I am silently picking apart what you say to me, and how you say it and even your choice of words. What I have learned in my life of over analyzing is first, I almost always miss the obvious because I dismiss it at the offset. The second is that I can read people fairly well. I can see happiness, sadness, past injuries, current pain, distraction etc, I happen to be pretty crafty at discerning the cause. What I wonder to myself now is, do these things comes from purpose, or better lack of purpose?
We all want to know why we are here. It is the most common unanswered question. A wise man told me it is simply to learn to love in all the ways we can. Branching off from that, I feel it is to love how we love best, I know I love best by helping.
Watching a person filled with purpose is an inspiring thing, that being said, watching a person without purpose can be heartbreaking. Constantly searching, wandering, simply being lost in a world where everything points you somewhere else.
I personally feel as though I have purpose, and great purpose at that. I have deftly slipped into this role of wife, mother and friend more easily than slipping into a warm tub. I feel that I fit better into the background (quite difficult when you look as imposing as me) I enjoy what I do, all of the hard work and frustrations that come with being a wife (particularly to MY husband) the exhaustion and difficulties of deciphering motherhood, and the intricate complexities of doling out advice and more challenging, knowing when not to, to my dear friends. These people in my life are people I love dearly. I choose not to surround myself with people who's company I am bothered with. Most people also know me as a person who freely speaks her mind, with no concern for consequences, it is nothing I cannot handle. What truly breaks my heart is seeing those whom I love so dearly wander without purpose, and there is nothing I can do.
Perhaps you, reading this now, are one of those people whom I witness, that I cannot help. It is our journey after all to learn for ourselves what this life means to us. I wonder so much about purpose. What are you here for? There are so many things that my loved ones are good at, that they excel with, but there is usually only one thing that would be their purpose. I can see for some what it could be, I never know for sure. There is one person in particular, who shall remain anonymous for it is not my tale to tell, yet this individual has more talents and gifts than I do myself, which is saying something! I hate to see the lost look on this person's face. The longing for another world, or another destination. Simply the chance to prove others wrong. To triumph above all others. I can see so many futures for this person. But the journey has only just begun and there are always many obstacles to overcome in the beginning, testing strengths, eliminating weaknesses... I suppose all of these things I am good at are for a greater purpose in the future. For now I will work to be content in watching, and helping when I can :)
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Monday, April 15, 2013
Sure is a funny thing
I had the most incredible event occur on Saturday afternoon.
My husband and I's "adopted" son was in town (he is 24 so he can't really be adopted) and so he and the hubbs stay up late discussing things as always. On Saturday we had a garage sale, which we prayed about and it was a success! We donated the remains to Goodwill. After the sale, the boys decided to nap. I am not usually a very good 'napper' so I decided to get up and do something. Then my son woke up so I made a trip to Wally World to get some supplies.
At Wally World I found some awesome fabric, and some pink lace for a fancy diaper idea for SB and CI's babies. I decided to pick up some food too. My son and I wandered around for a bit and checked out, I could not believe how much I spent! Then we went home. The boys were still asleep so I attempted to put Ethan down for a nap, unloaded the groceries and checked the receipt. Something I never do. I realized that the cashier had somehow charged me twice for my fabric. So I jumped back in my car and road 5 minutes down the road to Walmart. I found my cashier, and she said, upon recognizing me "Oh sweetie, thank goodness you came back! you chicken is in the cooler with customer service!" I had no idea that I forgot my chicken. So I went over to customer service and waited in line. Now let me interject here; for days I have been praying to have faith that God will provide. I have more patience than anyone else I know (if anyone knows my husband they know why) but I need more faith in the Lord. I have faith that he will guide me on my path, I have faith that he will keep my husband and I's marriage strong, but for some reason I believe that my money is mine, and not the Lord's. I need more faith there. The whole drive back to Walmart I talked to God and said " Thank you Lord for helping to realize that I got charged twice, I don't know why I will need this $10, but I am sure I will need it for something."
Back to my story, while waiting in line at customer service there was a young woman there with her mother (I'm guessing) and her tiny little daughter. She was talking to the clerk about something and I heard the word diapers. I make them, so obviously I want to reach out to anyone having trouble diapering their little ones. When she was done she moved to the side and began talking to her mom. I leaned over and said,
"Sweetie, did you say something about diapers?" She looked back at me and said "Yes, I lost my money card and my daughter needs diapers." I replied "Well I have a pack of newborns at my house, I can run home and grab them if you want." She looked sad and said "She is in size 2." To that I said "Well, the cashier charged me twice for my fabric, I will buy you a pack of size 2 diapers for your daughter. I make cloth diapers, if you are interested here is my card." She just looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "You don't have to do that." Now since before my son was born, I have had people I barely know (and some I don't know at all) help me out with the smallest of things, and it always feels like a miracle, and after every time I would pray and say Lord, I want to do that for someone, someday. If I can help, Lord give me the means. I was now standing in front of the customer service clerk at this point. I gave her my receipt and the ticket for the fabric, and she proceeded to give me my refund. I looked at this young woman and said "People have done it for me. You are clearly in need, and God has given me the means to get these diapers for you. If I had not checked my receipt, I would not have come back, if I didn't forget my chicken, I wouldn't be in customer service. I'll go get you some diapers and I'll be right back." So I grabbed her some luvs, those were my favorite when I used disposables, for the sole reason that the package is purple. I decided to grab her a box of diapers. Hopefully 96 will last her a little while. Grabbed my receipt and walked back over to them. We talked for a minute, she looked very young, maybe 20 or so, and told me she breastfed which is always awesome and that she had really wanted to cloth diaper, but did not have a washer and dryer. Essential components to CDing. I told her I had several mom friends who CD and ones who nursed and to give me a call if she ever needed another mom friend. Young moms so often do. I gave her a hug and told her God Bless I really meant it too. And walked to my car with tears in my eyes.
So rarely am I so obviously blessed. There are many, many wonderful blessings in my life, but I don't realize them immediately, I just know that they are blessings. This whole occurrence was God so blatantly smacking me over the head with a blessing and an answered prayer at the same time. It left me in a complete daze, and got me thinking at the same time. If I had judged that young woman, for her pink and purple streaked hair, or her dimple piercings or her young motherhood or her lack of a wedding band, I may never have talked to her. I may never have reached out to do what God clearly put me there to do. There are many lessons in this small event, not the least is that judging people is wrong and unchristian. God gives us so many incredible, awe inspiring and amazing things, is it so hard to just love others? I pray that she will call, and I pray that we can find a friendship among the 2 of us, and I pray that she gets to read this. I have simply been blessed with the people in my life because, although I am human and I DO judge, I NEVER hold my judgements against anyone, and I refuse to let myself voice them. People have wrongly judged me my entire life, and there a few things that hurt more than being judged. (and hopefully one day, I truly will have stomped out the judging reflex) Everyone is on their own journey, who am I to say their struggles are less than?
Happy Diapering, Mamas!
My husband and I's "adopted" son was in town (he is 24 so he can't really be adopted) and so he and the hubbs stay up late discussing things as always. On Saturday we had a garage sale, which we prayed about and it was a success! We donated the remains to Goodwill. After the sale, the boys decided to nap. I am not usually a very good 'napper' so I decided to get up and do something. Then my son woke up so I made a trip to Wally World to get some supplies.
At Wally World I found some awesome fabric, and some pink lace for a fancy diaper idea for SB and CI's babies. I decided to pick up some food too. My son and I wandered around for a bit and checked out, I could not believe how much I spent! Then we went home. The boys were still asleep so I attempted to put Ethan down for a nap, unloaded the groceries and checked the receipt. Something I never do. I realized that the cashier had somehow charged me twice for my fabric. So I jumped back in my car and road 5 minutes down the road to Walmart. I found my cashier, and she said, upon recognizing me "Oh sweetie, thank goodness you came back! you chicken is in the cooler with customer service!" I had no idea that I forgot my chicken. So I went over to customer service and waited in line. Now let me interject here; for days I have been praying to have faith that God will provide. I have more patience than anyone else I know (if anyone knows my husband they know why) but I need more faith in the Lord. I have faith that he will guide me on my path, I have faith that he will keep my husband and I's marriage strong, but for some reason I believe that my money is mine, and not the Lord's. I need more faith there. The whole drive back to Walmart I talked to God and said " Thank you Lord for helping to realize that I got charged twice, I don't know why I will need this $10, but I am sure I will need it for something."
Back to my story, while waiting in line at customer service there was a young woman there with her mother (I'm guessing) and her tiny little daughter. She was talking to the clerk about something and I heard the word diapers. I make them, so obviously I want to reach out to anyone having trouble diapering their little ones. When she was done she moved to the side and began talking to her mom. I leaned over and said,
"Sweetie, did you say something about diapers?" She looked back at me and said "Yes, I lost my money card and my daughter needs diapers." I replied "Well I have a pack of newborns at my house, I can run home and grab them if you want." She looked sad and said "She is in size 2." To that I said "Well, the cashier charged me twice for my fabric, I will buy you a pack of size 2 diapers for your daughter. I make cloth diapers, if you are interested here is my card." She just looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "You don't have to do that." Now since before my son was born, I have had people I barely know (and some I don't know at all) help me out with the smallest of things, and it always feels like a miracle, and after every time I would pray and say Lord, I want to do that for someone, someday. If I can help, Lord give me the means. I was now standing in front of the customer service clerk at this point. I gave her my receipt and the ticket for the fabric, and she proceeded to give me my refund. I looked at this young woman and said "People have done it for me. You are clearly in need, and God has given me the means to get these diapers for you. If I had not checked my receipt, I would not have come back, if I didn't forget my chicken, I wouldn't be in customer service. I'll go get you some diapers and I'll be right back." So I grabbed her some luvs, those were my favorite when I used disposables, for the sole reason that the package is purple. I decided to grab her a box of diapers. Hopefully 96 will last her a little while. Grabbed my receipt and walked back over to them. We talked for a minute, she looked very young, maybe 20 or so, and told me she breastfed which is always awesome and that she had really wanted to cloth diaper, but did not have a washer and dryer. Essential components to CDing. I told her I had several mom friends who CD and ones who nursed and to give me a call if she ever needed another mom friend. Young moms so often do. I gave her a hug and told her God Bless I really meant it too. And walked to my car with tears in my eyes.
So rarely am I so obviously blessed. There are many, many wonderful blessings in my life, but I don't realize them immediately, I just know that they are blessings. This whole occurrence was God so blatantly smacking me over the head with a blessing and an answered prayer at the same time. It left me in a complete daze, and got me thinking at the same time. If I had judged that young woman, for her pink and purple streaked hair, or her dimple piercings or her young motherhood or her lack of a wedding band, I may never have talked to her. I may never have reached out to do what God clearly put me there to do. There are many lessons in this small event, not the least is that judging people is wrong and unchristian. God gives us so many incredible, awe inspiring and amazing things, is it so hard to just love others? I pray that she will call, and I pray that we can find a friendship among the 2 of us, and I pray that she gets to read this. I have simply been blessed with the people in my life because, although I am human and I DO judge, I NEVER hold my judgements against anyone, and I refuse to let myself voice them. People have wrongly judged me my entire life, and there a few things that hurt more than being judged. (and hopefully one day, I truly will have stomped out the judging reflex) Everyone is on their own journey, who am I to say their struggles are less than?
Happy Diapering, Mamas!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Moms need a break
My mother suggested I write this one, and her advice is always solid. This one is for the young mothers out there, especially the one who are on their first little one, as am I.
There is nothing in this world quite like the bliss of motherhood. The unyielding connection between you and your child, the daily sacrifices you make to see that little one grin, The tiny amazement's of your day with your little one. Their first tooth, first steps, first birthday and every tear and giggle in between. It is truly amazing to be a mom.
Yet, it comes at a price. The first thing that goes as most women know is your sleep. When you are pregnant with your little one, you get very little of it. You are gigantic, (even if you are not gigantic yet, it will come) you hurt everywhere. Parts of your body that you did not know existed are now screaming at you for comfort. Then the baby arrives, and is so darling and sweet and tiny.. And he cries, a lot (maybe you are lucky like me and did not have a fussy baby) But they still wake up frequently with timely needs. As time goes on your baby finally sleeps through the night (patience and a little consistency with the bedtime routine help) and while in the middle of the night (this is what happened to me at least) your dog hops up on your bed and in a half conscious daze you have convinced yourself that your husband brought the baby to bed and laid him in between you and now he is sleeping on your legs Then you are fully awake and realize it was the dog the whole time...
After sleep comes finances. No matter how you slice it, it costs to have a baby, whether it be paying out of pocket, or cutting back hours at work. After that The next few things that go is your sanity, your sanitary habits, blissful intimate moments with your hubby and your friends. What does this all mean? In essence you have disappeared into a bundle of Mom and wife (or just mom for the singles out there) What does it mean to be mom? You are house maid, chief cook, chauffeur, doctor, nurse, mediator (for those with more than one baby) financial budgeteer, personal assistant and finally fetcher. Yes I mean you fetch things, a little degrading I am aware, but let's call a spade a spade.
What are you to do? Is this your life forever? You are just this mom person lost inside a body that used to belong to someone else. Someone vibrant and sexy and COOL, Yup you're gone. But not forgotten, or lost. The problem is there is not waiting for the time to arrive when you have "me time". you have to fight for it. Every moment of it too. Don't let this scare you, it's actually kind of fun. It becomes a new guilty pleasure, to skip out on a few minor responsibilities (your house will NOT clean itself, I've tried) and sit and read a book. paint your damn toenails, eat some freaking chocolate.
Finding me time is an impossibility, I promise. It will not be there when you look for it. You have to do what you do best and make something appear from nothing (mom's have magic, you know!) You can't sit there day after day and resent your husband because he doesn't clean up after himself. He is a child too, and unfortunately some are younger than others, it has now become your duty to raise him too(singles moms be grateful for this one thing). Sorry, facts are facts. If you are really lucky you got one of the models that is at least 13 on the inside and knows what responsibility is.. Mine is about 5 on the inside and currently lighting his farts on fire (yay me). Responsibility isn't even in his vocabulary. You can resent your baby for taking everything away from you, your body, your beauty and your friends. That will not help, or change things. I am about to give you some wonderful advice, I hope you are taking notes.
Love your baby. Whether he be 5 months old or 5 years old. You will never get this time back so make some memories and make 'em good. Love your husband. There was once a time when you knew he was your knight in shining armour, he still is, somewhere deep down. Take little moments to have between the two of you, most of those moments will appear unannounced, learn to recognize them when they arrive, and most importantly find some girlfriends. Women in your same position. If you are a stay at home mom, find other SAHM, if you are a part timer, find other part timers, full timers, etc... Find women who you can relate to, they will make you laugh, and they will laugh at your terrible and super dirty jokes. They will also commiserate with you about how your husband left his lunch at home and spent $10 that you can't afford on lunch that day, or how he got mad at you when he lost HIS favorite whatever. They will cry with you when you have had a horrible day, and most of all, they will make you grateful that their husband is theirs, and your husband is ALL yours!
It is no secret that women long ago had things called sewing circles, where they would gather regularly and work on a quilt or other large project together and enjoy one anothers company, wisdom and advice. Longer even then that, they worked together in groups, perhaps caring for the children or gathering and cooking food, preparing comfortable homesteads. Women get together for a reason, they need each other's company, if you don't believe me you have probably not had the opportunity yet to make long lasting girlfriends. Women need each other's life experience, we are creatures that learn by example, thank the good Lord for that. We are magic, we really are. Women are the strongest, most resilient creatures on earth. We are subject to stupidity as are men, but we can't help that.
There are many things in this world that have fallen to the wayside that has made the world a harsher environment to live in. Women have lost their dignity, pride and self respect, don't lose your identity too. There is no way to make time for yourself, it just does not exist. You have to steal time for something else, most likely something important. That is okay. Be brave and remember who you are, and learn new things about yourself. If you don't your life will quickly become miserable, and you will be wondering how it happened.
Happy Mommying!
There is nothing in this world quite like the bliss of motherhood. The unyielding connection between you and your child, the daily sacrifices you make to see that little one grin, The tiny amazement's of your day with your little one. Their first tooth, first steps, first birthday and every tear and giggle in between. It is truly amazing to be a mom.
Yet, it comes at a price. The first thing that goes as most women know is your sleep. When you are pregnant with your little one, you get very little of it. You are gigantic, (even if you are not gigantic yet, it will come) you hurt everywhere. Parts of your body that you did not know existed are now screaming at you for comfort. Then the baby arrives, and is so darling and sweet and tiny.. And he cries, a lot (maybe you are lucky like me and did not have a fussy baby) But they still wake up frequently with timely needs. As time goes on your baby finally sleeps through the night (patience and a little consistency with the bedtime routine help) and while in the middle of the night (this is what happened to me at least) your dog hops up on your bed and in a half conscious daze you have convinced yourself that your husband brought the baby to bed and laid him in between you and now he is sleeping on your legs Then you are fully awake and realize it was the dog the whole time...
After sleep comes finances. No matter how you slice it, it costs to have a baby, whether it be paying out of pocket, or cutting back hours at work. After that The next few things that go is your sanity, your sanitary habits, blissful intimate moments with your hubby and your friends. What does this all mean? In essence you have disappeared into a bundle of Mom and wife (or just mom for the singles out there) What does it mean to be mom? You are house maid, chief cook, chauffeur, doctor, nurse, mediator (for those with more than one baby) financial budgeteer, personal assistant and finally fetcher. Yes I mean you fetch things, a little degrading I am aware, but let's call a spade a spade.
What are you to do? Is this your life forever? You are just this mom person lost inside a body that used to belong to someone else. Someone vibrant and sexy and COOL, Yup you're gone. But not forgotten, or lost. The problem is there is not waiting for the time to arrive when you have "me time". you have to fight for it. Every moment of it too. Don't let this scare you, it's actually kind of fun. It becomes a new guilty pleasure, to skip out on a few minor responsibilities (your house will NOT clean itself, I've tried) and sit and read a book. paint your damn toenails, eat some freaking chocolate.
Finding me time is an impossibility, I promise. It will not be there when you look for it. You have to do what you do best and make something appear from nothing (mom's have magic, you know!) You can't sit there day after day and resent your husband because he doesn't clean up after himself. He is a child too, and unfortunately some are younger than others, it has now become your duty to raise him too(singles moms be grateful for this one thing). Sorry, facts are facts. If you are really lucky you got one of the models that is at least 13 on the inside and knows what responsibility is.. Mine is about 5 on the inside and currently lighting his farts on fire (yay me). Responsibility isn't even in his vocabulary. You can resent your baby for taking everything away from you, your body, your beauty and your friends. That will not help, or change things. I am about to give you some wonderful advice, I hope you are taking notes.
Love your baby. Whether he be 5 months old or 5 years old. You will never get this time back so make some memories and make 'em good. Love your husband. There was once a time when you knew he was your knight in shining armour, he still is, somewhere deep down. Take little moments to have between the two of you, most of those moments will appear unannounced, learn to recognize them when they arrive, and most importantly find some girlfriends. Women in your same position. If you are a stay at home mom, find other SAHM, if you are a part timer, find other part timers, full timers, etc... Find women who you can relate to, they will make you laugh, and they will laugh at your terrible and super dirty jokes. They will also commiserate with you about how your husband left his lunch at home and spent $10 that you can't afford on lunch that day, or how he got mad at you when he lost HIS favorite whatever. They will cry with you when you have had a horrible day, and most of all, they will make you grateful that their husband is theirs, and your husband is ALL yours!
It is no secret that women long ago had things called sewing circles, where they would gather regularly and work on a quilt or other large project together and enjoy one anothers company, wisdom and advice. Longer even then that, they worked together in groups, perhaps caring for the children or gathering and cooking food, preparing comfortable homesteads. Women get together for a reason, they need each other's company, if you don't believe me you have probably not had the opportunity yet to make long lasting girlfriends. Women need each other's life experience, we are creatures that learn by example, thank the good Lord for that. We are magic, we really are. Women are the strongest, most resilient creatures on earth. We are subject to stupidity as are men, but we can't help that.
There are many things in this world that have fallen to the wayside that has made the world a harsher environment to live in. Women have lost their dignity, pride and self respect, don't lose your identity too. There is no way to make time for yourself, it just does not exist. You have to steal time for something else, most likely something important. That is okay. Be brave and remember who you are, and learn new things about yourself. If you don't your life will quickly become miserable, and you will be wondering how it happened.
Happy Mommying!
Friday, April 5, 2013
How cloth diapers become an addiction (hypothetical case of a serious illness among young moms today)
Today started out a little rough. I was up early with my husband to take him to work so I could use the car today. After waking up, getting myself ready, then my gigantic 1 year old and loading ourselves in the car, we drove 30 minutes to my hubby's job. From there I went to my job to grab my paycheck, turned around and spent most of that paycheck settling my tab, then drove to Wally World to kill a little time (an hour and a half to be exact) waiting for the post office to open so I could send out my latest diaper order to a friend in NY. Bought a little bit of fabric for some cloth wipes and new soaker pads, some bread for my boss (I work in a cafe, inside a gas station) Went to the post office, mailed my package, swung back by work, made it home changed the baby put him down for a nap and settled in at my desk to do some homework.
Of course this is where the smooth train ride fell off its tracks. My neighbor stops by to chat about some important stuff for a minute, my girlfriends far away are having disaterous events occur and I am scrambling my brain for my best cheering up advice (I hoped it worked!) and nothing judgemental while sending my heart out to her! Neighbor stops by again, a local girlfriend calls to tell me she is arriving early (maybe the best part of my day!) Then, my husband calls. He is almost done with his last run for the day and I have to go pick him up. It is not quite 11 am. YEAH. SO I call my local GF back up, tell her to be at my house at noon, grab me and the bambino and drive all the way up back to hubby's work. AANNDD he is not back yet from his last run (He drives a truck for a plumbing supply company) Wait 20 minutes for him to arrive wandering around the warehouse with my son and his coworkers. he shows up and I wait another 15 minutes for them to pack up his truck for Monday and for us to leave.
My GF is sitting patiently in her minivan with her 4 kids and one of her daughter's friends. The kids pile out and into my house and my dog is excited and my baby is excited and it is the best kind of chaos I have ever seen. Then of course, it wouldn't be my house if my friends didn't pop in, asking a favor today, and chatting gets under way! This is the best part, we send the children outside to run amok with the dog and the babies (my son at 30lbs and 1 year old and my GF's youngest 7 mos and 17lbs) play inside on the floor and the conversation turns toward diapers, in all of their glory...
Cloth diapers are addicting because firstly they are adorable, secondly they are good for the environment and lastly because when you begin to cloth diaper you are now in "the club" It's the worst kept secret and the most fun you can have with your clothes on!
It, like all addictions, starts out small. If you are like me, living on a budget as most young parents do, you scrimp and save and wait for a deal and get yourself a small, workable, daily use stash. (I am crafty so I make mine, now I sell them in case you didn't know!) Maybe 10 diapers. And they sure are cute! Your house stays comfortbale in temperature so soon, your baby is naked except for today's fashion statement and perhaps his/her amber necklace for teething (Thanks SB!) Pretty soon your little one has grown out of three sizes of clothes and you think they are just growing fast. It gets even better because now your baby looks like a minature hippie in his tye-dye psychdellic or skull patterned dipey and his badass necklace! What an awesome accessory! And functional?! Tell me more..... (Google it)
So you told all of your girlfriends about cloth diapering and they looked at you like maybe you need to spend a few weeks in a ward, she's been eating too many strained peas.... Then out of the kindness of your heart, you spread your disease by GIVING away a coveted item from your sacred stash. She tried it and now she too it hooked! She starts to google in her spare time between chasing after tiny humans destroying her house and cleaning food out of her hair that may have possibly been there a day or two. She finds a co-op, buys a few dipes on ebay at a discount because they are used, and she brings one to your house on your next visit to replace from the one you so graciously bestowed upon her. And you simply LOVE IT.
You begin to search google yourself, find a few local moms who already CD, And you find local suppliers, people who will do a custom job for you and now your mind is racing with all of the incredible ideas rampaging through your head on how to cover your baby's poop shoot. This could get ugly....
You have now fully succumbed to your addiction. You cover your baby's bottom in the most adorable colors and patterns and you have made fast friends with a local creator and she is drawn to all of your amazing ideas because she is to tired and worn out from her own 80098472634 jobs (that's DAILY btw) that she can not think of them herself unless she has an incredibly long vacation from her life! The best part? With all of the money you are saving by using cloth diapers for each of your children and now you've strayed to cloth wipes, you can afford another 8 diapers from 8 different suppliers...
These things have happened to good people! It makes you feel amazing when you find a new color that you don't already have, or perhaps a style you have not tried. Each time you search for and purchase a new diaper you get to put on your thinking cap, evaluating, examining, testing and retesting. You don't need a reason to cloth diaper, but if there ever was one it is simply because your baby CAN look cuter, sans clothes in a cloth butt. (and maybe an amber necklace) Besides, when you are finished potty training all of your children you can donate your diapers to families all over who cannot afford to diaper their little ones. Regardless of how miserly anyone may be, giving to those truly in need and already doing their best feels AMAZING.
Happy Diapering!
Of course this is where the smooth train ride fell off its tracks. My neighbor stops by to chat about some important stuff for a minute, my girlfriends far away are having disaterous events occur and I am scrambling my brain for my best cheering up advice (I hoped it worked!) and nothing judgemental while sending my heart out to her! Neighbor stops by again, a local girlfriend calls to tell me she is arriving early (maybe the best part of my day!) Then, my husband calls. He is almost done with his last run for the day and I have to go pick him up. It is not quite 11 am. YEAH. SO I call my local GF back up, tell her to be at my house at noon, grab me and the bambino and drive all the way up back to hubby's work. AANNDD he is not back yet from his last run (He drives a truck for a plumbing supply company) Wait 20 minutes for him to arrive wandering around the warehouse with my son and his coworkers. he shows up and I wait another 15 minutes for them to pack up his truck for Monday and for us to leave.
My GF is sitting patiently in her minivan with her 4 kids and one of her daughter's friends. The kids pile out and into my house and my dog is excited and my baby is excited and it is the best kind of chaos I have ever seen. Then of course, it wouldn't be my house if my friends didn't pop in, asking a favor today, and chatting gets under way! This is the best part, we send the children outside to run amok with the dog and the babies (my son at 30lbs and 1 year old and my GF's youngest 7 mos and 17lbs) play inside on the floor and the conversation turns toward diapers, in all of their glory...
Cloth diapers are addicting because firstly they are adorable, secondly they are good for the environment and lastly because when you begin to cloth diaper you are now in "the club" It's the worst kept secret and the most fun you can have with your clothes on!
It, like all addictions, starts out small. If you are like me, living on a budget as most young parents do, you scrimp and save and wait for a deal and get yourself a small, workable, daily use stash. (I am crafty so I make mine, now I sell them in case you didn't know!) Maybe 10 diapers. And they sure are cute! Your house stays comfortbale in temperature so soon, your baby is naked except for today's fashion statement and perhaps his/her amber necklace for teething (Thanks SB!) Pretty soon your little one has grown out of three sizes of clothes and you think they are just growing fast. It gets even better because now your baby looks like a minature hippie in his tye-dye psychdellic or skull patterned dipey and his badass necklace! What an awesome accessory! And functional?! Tell me more..... (Google it)
So you told all of your girlfriends about cloth diapering and they looked at you like maybe you need to spend a few weeks in a ward, she's been eating too many strained peas.... Then out of the kindness of your heart, you spread your disease by GIVING away a coveted item from your sacred stash. She tried it and now she too it hooked! She starts to google in her spare time between chasing after tiny humans destroying her house and cleaning food out of her hair that may have possibly been there a day or two. She finds a co-op, buys a few dipes on ebay at a discount because they are used, and she brings one to your house on your next visit to replace from the one you so graciously bestowed upon her. And you simply LOVE IT.
You begin to search google yourself, find a few local moms who already CD, And you find local suppliers, people who will do a custom job for you and now your mind is racing with all of the incredible ideas rampaging through your head on how to cover your baby's poop shoot. This could get ugly....
You have now fully succumbed to your addiction. You cover your baby's bottom in the most adorable colors and patterns and you have made fast friends with a local creator and she is drawn to all of your amazing ideas because she is to tired and worn out from her own 80098472634 jobs (that's DAILY btw) that she can not think of them herself unless she has an incredibly long vacation from her life! The best part? With all of the money you are saving by using cloth diapers for each of your children and now you've strayed to cloth wipes, you can afford another 8 diapers from 8 different suppliers...
These things have happened to good people! It makes you feel amazing when you find a new color that you don't already have, or perhaps a style you have not tried. Each time you search for and purchase a new diaper you get to put on your thinking cap, evaluating, examining, testing and retesting. You don't need a reason to cloth diaper, but if there ever was one it is simply because your baby CAN look cuter, sans clothes in a cloth butt. (and maybe an amber necklace) Besides, when you are finished potty training all of your children you can donate your diapers to families all over who cannot afford to diaper their little ones. Regardless of how miserly anyone may be, giving to those truly in need and already doing their best feels AMAZING.
Happy Diapering!
Most of the babies in the chaos of my day :)
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Marriage
I see so many things on social networking sites about marriage. It's like a box, you have to know what you have, that one who makes you smile when you feel like you're going to cry etc.
They are true for the most part, I think what people don't realize about marriage is that it is a job. 24/7 it requires maintenance. But there is a way to be happy and have fun and enjoy each other too. It's called boundaries. Yeah, no one ever thinks of that. They get married because they are in love with this person, then when the initial feelings of love dissipate (the chemical bond between two people that makes them feel on top of the world) they feel trapped and alone and are asking themselves "who is this person?!" I personally believe that if two people are open, understanding and stubborn enough that 90% of marriages can work and last. Then again I don't believe in divorce. Some people should get divorced, in some cases. There is the obvious, cases of abuse, infidelity etc. But there is one more good reason to get divorced that people don't quite understand, being held back.
I am Christian (I know OMG, I must be judgmental and cruel because I believe others are beneath me) Which I am none of those things. My being Christian simply means that I believe that the Bible gives us strong guidelines to live by and that God has a plan for each of us individually. Where was I going with that? oh, right, I believe that God has a path for us to follow, some of my non religious, albeit spiritual friends say it's the universe, same difference to me. Your path is designed to be difficult. You cannot learn if you are not challenged. So you are young (maybe you're not) and you marry this person and you love everything about them, and it is wonderful, then one day you wake up and you realize you don't love them anymore, and you panic.
Resentment begins to build because you feel trapped, and you begin to question everything about your life. After a while you come to a divide in your path. On the left you see your life as it is now, unchanging and you definitely don't want the misery, on the right you see the life you wanted, but have no idea how to make it come back. So you panic even more and turn around and eventually get divorced.
The problem with this is, people who are young and newly in love how no idea how to build a foundation for a lasting marriage, and they do not understand that EVERY marriage goes through hard times. It makes you stronger as a unit. Where was your path to fix it? On the right. You saw your life as you planned it (granted nothing ever goes as planned) but that would have been your opportunity to fix it.
Be interested in what your spouse is interested in. Yes, it's easy in the beginning to go out fishing or rock climbing or flea marketing or whatever it may be. After a while you get tired of it and you don't want to do it anymore, so you stop going. That activity that once represented both of you, now only represents one. You don't have to do everything together, that is just as bad. A single friend of mine, April put in beautifully, "Now, the way I see it, after this perception changes, "I" becomes "we" and "us." But this does not mean that everyone loses their identity. I think that is dangerous. And could lead to resentment and perceived lack of freedoms and all the rest of it. You have to be separate but on the same page and in a partnership, not up the other's asshole. There must be separation in order for both partners to contribute to the marriage. Losing of one's identity is just as detrimental as being completely selfish. A marriage is not becoming a mish moshed pile of everyone being up the others ass. A blob." I seriously could not have put that better myself. And she is SINGLE (as in not married she is in a relationship), and she has the presence of mind to understand and analyze a relationship where 2 people get together from radically different pasts and try to make a future.
Marriage is NOT easy. It's not designed to be easy. You have to learn and accommodate an entirely different human being from yourself. You are being challenged on a daily basis to come together and work as a unit, a well oiled machine. The best way I can describe this to non-married people is if you have ever worked at a good restaurant. The hostess, managers, waitresses, cooks, dish washers and bus boys (I am not going to be PC so people don't get offended. Get offended I don't care) all work together to deliver excellent service and hopefully food and overall experience to you, yes, even the A*holes who don't tip. If one person is not pulling their weight everyone is going to suffer for it. A marriage is the exact same way. You must learn to work as a well oiled machine. Separate, yet, one. it is not easy to learn to work together like this. Any Marine can tell you, team work is amazing, but it is miserable to learn.
Let's revisit boundaries. What are boundaries? They are lines in the sand not to cross. Terminal offenses. Some times they are small, and sometimes they are big, and sometimes they are completely ridiculous. But they build confidence and trust in a relationship. Here's an example. When my husband and I were first married, every time we had a problem I thought we were heading toward D-town. I grew up in a big family and I like to talk, so I would talk to all of my friends and family about it and get their advice, and meanwhile I was making my husband seem like this big mean brute, when he is not (he is really more of a spoiled brat) So when I would go back and talk it out with my hubbs, the conversation was filled with "Well, my sister said this, and you best friend said that..." How would you feel if you suddenly had the entire world pitted against you? So one of my husband's boundaries is, if I have a problem or am upset about something I have to go to him first. I can speak to whomever I'd like, but I had better hash it out with my hubbs first. It's that simple. I don't feel restricted, I no longer panic when we have an argument (which is not often these days) and I feel more secure knowing I can trust my husband with whatever is on my mind.
Speaking of trusting your spouse with your thoughts... When you sit down to have "a talk" you need to shelf your emotions. You cannot expect to work something out if you are getting your feelings hurt throughout the entire conversation. Be open minded. Your spouse is telling you the things that most upsets him (FINE or her) you need to understand that these things are sacred. There are people out there (like myself) who do not trust their feelings with anyone. It is incredibly difficult to come forth and say "this really hurts. It makes me upset." Rather than let it sit and fester. I cannot stress this enough, put your feelings aside. This is the one person who has found your crazy acceptable. (yes you are crazy, accept it, we all are) If you want them to continue to put up with your unique attitude, then you had better accept their crazy, and love them for it.
Finally, people ask me every day, how I find it in myself to put up with my husband. He is like a gigantic 5 year old. (for those of you who don't know, I married a few days before my 20th birthday and his 22nd. We have been married for 5 years he is now 27) We had known each other for 3 months. Yes from the day we met to the day we got married was 3.5 months. I love my husband in every manner it is possible to love. I love him as my spouse, my best friend, I love him like I love my brothers, my son and my father. He has the capacity to be all of those things to me. ( I know some of you are probably confused, it's either because you are not married, or you refuse to love your spouse in this way) My husband loves me the same way. He loves me as his wife, his best friend, his sister, his mother and his child. This makes our relationship stronger. When he is teasing me, I don't get offended (sometimes I get really irritated, but that is besides the point) I roll with it. He accepts my crazy. My ability and drive to over-analyze everything in my life, the obnoxious way I tell stories (ask my family I am terrible at it) my bad jokes, my extreme shifts in emotion (more so than most women) and my constant need to want to grow. My irrational way of understanding abstract concepts. He loves me for all of it. Find someone who accepts your crazy, because I am almost positive they are the only one, if not they are among a small few.
<3 life is a journey, who do you want on the road beside you?
They are true for the most part, I think what people don't realize about marriage is that it is a job. 24/7 it requires maintenance. But there is a way to be happy and have fun and enjoy each other too. It's called boundaries. Yeah, no one ever thinks of that. They get married because they are in love with this person, then when the initial feelings of love dissipate (the chemical bond between two people that makes them feel on top of the world) they feel trapped and alone and are asking themselves "who is this person?!" I personally believe that if two people are open, understanding and stubborn enough that 90% of marriages can work and last. Then again I don't believe in divorce. Some people should get divorced, in some cases. There is the obvious, cases of abuse, infidelity etc. But there is one more good reason to get divorced that people don't quite understand, being held back.
I am Christian (I know OMG, I must be judgmental and cruel because I believe others are beneath me) Which I am none of those things. My being Christian simply means that I believe that the Bible gives us strong guidelines to live by and that God has a plan for each of us individually. Where was I going with that? oh, right, I believe that God has a path for us to follow, some of my non religious, albeit spiritual friends say it's the universe, same difference to me. Your path is designed to be difficult. You cannot learn if you are not challenged. So you are young (maybe you're not) and you marry this person and you love everything about them, and it is wonderful, then one day you wake up and you realize you don't love them anymore, and you panic.
Resentment begins to build because you feel trapped, and you begin to question everything about your life. After a while you come to a divide in your path. On the left you see your life as it is now, unchanging and you definitely don't want the misery, on the right you see the life you wanted, but have no idea how to make it come back. So you panic even more and turn around and eventually get divorced.
The problem with this is, people who are young and newly in love how no idea how to build a foundation for a lasting marriage, and they do not understand that EVERY marriage goes through hard times. It makes you stronger as a unit. Where was your path to fix it? On the right. You saw your life as you planned it (granted nothing ever goes as planned) but that would have been your opportunity to fix it.
Be interested in what your spouse is interested in. Yes, it's easy in the beginning to go out fishing or rock climbing or flea marketing or whatever it may be. After a while you get tired of it and you don't want to do it anymore, so you stop going. That activity that once represented both of you, now only represents one. You don't have to do everything together, that is just as bad. A single friend of mine, April put in beautifully, "Now, the way I see it, after this perception changes, "I" becomes "we" and "us." But this does not mean that everyone loses their identity. I think that is dangerous. And could lead to resentment and perceived lack of freedoms and all the rest of it. You have to be separate but on the same page and in a partnership, not up the other's asshole. There must be separation in order for both partners to contribute to the marriage. Losing of one's identity is just as detrimental as being completely selfish. A marriage is not becoming a mish moshed pile of everyone being up the others ass. A blob." I seriously could not have put that better myself. And she is SINGLE (as in not married she is in a relationship), and she has the presence of mind to understand and analyze a relationship where 2 people get together from radically different pasts and try to make a future.
Marriage is NOT easy. It's not designed to be easy. You have to learn and accommodate an entirely different human being from yourself. You are being challenged on a daily basis to come together and work as a unit, a well oiled machine. The best way I can describe this to non-married people is if you have ever worked at a good restaurant. The hostess, managers, waitresses, cooks, dish washers and bus boys (I am not going to be PC so people don't get offended. Get offended I don't care) all work together to deliver excellent service and hopefully food and overall experience to you, yes, even the A*holes who don't tip. If one person is not pulling their weight everyone is going to suffer for it. A marriage is the exact same way. You must learn to work as a well oiled machine. Separate, yet, one. it is not easy to learn to work together like this. Any Marine can tell you, team work is amazing, but it is miserable to learn.
Let's revisit boundaries. What are boundaries? They are lines in the sand not to cross. Terminal offenses. Some times they are small, and sometimes they are big, and sometimes they are completely ridiculous. But they build confidence and trust in a relationship. Here's an example. When my husband and I were first married, every time we had a problem I thought we were heading toward D-town. I grew up in a big family and I like to talk, so I would talk to all of my friends and family about it and get their advice, and meanwhile I was making my husband seem like this big mean brute, when he is not (he is really more of a spoiled brat) So when I would go back and talk it out with my hubbs, the conversation was filled with "Well, my sister said this, and you best friend said that..." How would you feel if you suddenly had the entire world pitted against you? So one of my husband's boundaries is, if I have a problem or am upset about something I have to go to him first. I can speak to whomever I'd like, but I had better hash it out with my hubbs first. It's that simple. I don't feel restricted, I no longer panic when we have an argument (which is not often these days) and I feel more secure knowing I can trust my husband with whatever is on my mind.
Speaking of trusting your spouse with your thoughts... When you sit down to have "a talk" you need to shelf your emotions. You cannot expect to work something out if you are getting your feelings hurt throughout the entire conversation. Be open minded. Your spouse is telling you the things that most upsets him (FINE or her) you need to understand that these things are sacred. There are people out there (like myself) who do not trust their feelings with anyone. It is incredibly difficult to come forth and say "this really hurts. It makes me upset." Rather than let it sit and fester. I cannot stress this enough, put your feelings aside. This is the one person who has found your crazy acceptable. (yes you are crazy, accept it, we all are) If you want them to continue to put up with your unique attitude, then you had better accept their crazy, and love them for it.
Finally, people ask me every day, how I find it in myself to put up with my husband. He is like a gigantic 5 year old. (for those of you who don't know, I married a few days before my 20th birthday and his 22nd. We have been married for 5 years he is now 27) We had known each other for 3 months. Yes from the day we met to the day we got married was 3.5 months. I love my husband in every manner it is possible to love. I love him as my spouse, my best friend, I love him like I love my brothers, my son and my father. He has the capacity to be all of those things to me. ( I know some of you are probably confused, it's either because you are not married, or you refuse to love your spouse in this way) My husband loves me the same way. He loves me as his wife, his best friend, his sister, his mother and his child. This makes our relationship stronger. When he is teasing me, I don't get offended (sometimes I get really irritated, but that is besides the point) I roll with it. He accepts my crazy. My ability and drive to over-analyze everything in my life, the obnoxious way I tell stories (ask my family I am terrible at it) my bad jokes, my extreme shifts in emotion (more so than most women) and my constant need to want to grow. My irrational way of understanding abstract concepts. He loves me for all of it. Find someone who accepts your crazy, because I am almost positive they are the only one, if not they are among a small few.
<3 life is a journey, who do you want on the road beside you?
Monday, April 1, 2013
Time flies...
Today is my son's first birthday.
I simply cannot believe it has been a whole year already! And I am incredibly greatful for the opportunity to be a stay at home mom. I have given up hours of sleep, fun events with friends, and the ever valuable paycheck for a hard week of work, every week. In the past year my electricity has been cut off 4 times, my water has been cut off 3 times, and we got evicted for 2 weeks, until we came up with the money to settle our arrears. All because I was not bringing in an income.
Now I have been enrolled in online school, full time, since last April and I possess a skill to generate income. Sewing. As financially difficult as it is to be a stay at home mom in this world where smartphones are almost a necessity, and gas is as valuable as cash (almost) I still would not trade it for the world.
Every fight that my husband and I have had in the last year about money, and how to get more of it without sacrificing every moment I spend with my first born (and hopefully all the other children that come along) has been worth it. I can honestly say, no one has prepared me for the emotional roller coaster of my child's first birthday. I don't think it ever occurred to anyone.
Now let me tell you about my son. Because as every parent knows, my child(ren) are amazing, they are my whole world, and they will someday be citizens of the world, and with any luck they will be mentally, physically and emotionally healthy to take on their role as responsible individuals.
My son's name is Ethan Fox, named after our best friend, mentor and my marriage's Number 1 advocate Dave Fox. We hope to have Dave be a large influence on Ethan's life and personality. When My son was born, he was 2 weeks early (so the doctor's say, I don't believe it) and weighed in at 8lbs and 13oz and was 22.25 inches long. He was a very strong baby, and obviously very large! At 3 days old he stretched his little legs while daddy was holding him, and almost jumped out of his arms, that is how strong he is!
By the time he was 2 months old, he was scooting 2 feet or more across the floor rubbing his face into the carpet because he hadn't figured out how to use his arms yet. By the time he was 4 months old he was low crawling (arms and legs) and doing baby push ups and had learned to bring his knees up underneath him in the crawl position. At 6 months old he was crawling. The day after he learned to crawl, he was pulling himself up on all the furniture! At 8 months he could stand by himself and at 10 months exactly he was walking!
My son is a gift from God, there is not one person who would fail to see that. He is curious, ingenious and hysterically funny! He is a very happy child (like I was when I was young) Today he is 30 inches tall and 30 lbs. He has made a family out of my husband and I. (and our dog Ricochet) He is a beautiful and loving child, and he has my whole heart. I am sad that his first year has already passed us, but excited to see who he shall become.
Happy first birthday Ethan, mommy and daddy love you so!
I simply cannot believe it has been a whole year already! And I am incredibly greatful for the opportunity to be a stay at home mom. I have given up hours of sleep, fun events with friends, and the ever valuable paycheck for a hard week of work, every week. In the past year my electricity has been cut off 4 times, my water has been cut off 3 times, and we got evicted for 2 weeks, until we came up with the money to settle our arrears. All because I was not bringing in an income.
Now I have been enrolled in online school, full time, since last April and I possess a skill to generate income. Sewing. As financially difficult as it is to be a stay at home mom in this world where smartphones are almost a necessity, and gas is as valuable as cash (almost) I still would not trade it for the world.
Every fight that my husband and I have had in the last year about money, and how to get more of it without sacrificing every moment I spend with my first born (and hopefully all the other children that come along) has been worth it. I can honestly say, no one has prepared me for the emotional roller coaster of my child's first birthday. I don't think it ever occurred to anyone.
Now let me tell you about my son. Because as every parent knows, my child(ren) are amazing, they are my whole world, and they will someday be citizens of the world, and with any luck they will be mentally, physically and emotionally healthy to take on their role as responsible individuals.
My son's name is Ethan Fox, named after our best friend, mentor and my marriage's Number 1 advocate Dave Fox. We hope to have Dave be a large influence on Ethan's life and personality. When My son was born, he was 2 weeks early (so the doctor's say, I don't believe it) and weighed in at 8lbs and 13oz and was 22.25 inches long. He was a very strong baby, and obviously very large! At 3 days old he stretched his little legs while daddy was holding him, and almost jumped out of his arms, that is how strong he is!
By the time he was 2 months old, he was scooting 2 feet or more across the floor rubbing his face into the carpet because he hadn't figured out how to use his arms yet. By the time he was 4 months old he was low crawling (arms and legs) and doing baby push ups and had learned to bring his knees up underneath him in the crawl position. At 6 months old he was crawling. The day after he learned to crawl, he was pulling himself up on all the furniture! At 8 months he could stand by himself and at 10 months exactly he was walking!
My son is a gift from God, there is not one person who would fail to see that. He is curious, ingenious and hysterically funny! He is a very happy child (like I was when I was young) Today he is 30 inches tall and 30 lbs. He has made a family out of my husband and I. (and our dog Ricochet) He is a beautiful and loving child, and he has my whole heart. I am sad that his first year has already passed us, but excited to see who he shall become.
Happy first birthday Ethan, mommy and daddy love you so!
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