My mother suggested I write this one, and her advice is always solid. This one is for the young mothers out there, especially the one who are on their first little one, as am I.
There is nothing in this world quite like the bliss of motherhood. The unyielding connection between you and your child, the daily sacrifices you make to see that little one grin, The tiny amazement's of your day with your little one. Their first tooth, first steps, first birthday and every tear and giggle in between. It is truly amazing to be a mom.
Yet, it comes at a price. The first thing that goes as most women know is your sleep. When you are pregnant with your little one, you get very little of it. You are gigantic, (even if you are not gigantic yet, it will come) you hurt everywhere. Parts of your body that you did not know existed are now screaming at you for comfort. Then the baby arrives, and is so darling and sweet and tiny.. And he cries, a lot (maybe you are lucky like me and did not have a fussy baby) But they still wake up frequently with timely needs. As time goes on your baby finally sleeps through the night (patience and a little consistency with the bedtime routine help) and while in the middle of the night (this is what happened to me at least) your dog hops up on your bed and in a half conscious daze you have convinced yourself that your husband brought the baby to bed and laid him in between you and now he is sleeping on your legs Then you are fully awake and realize it was the dog the whole time...
After sleep comes finances. No matter how you slice it, it costs to have a baby, whether it be paying out of pocket, or cutting back hours at work. After that The next few things that go is your sanity, your sanitary habits, blissful intimate moments with your hubby and your friends. What does this all mean? In essence you have disappeared into a bundle of Mom and wife (or just mom for the singles out there) What does it mean to be mom? You are house maid, chief cook, chauffeur, doctor, nurse, mediator (for those with more than one baby) financial budgeteer, personal assistant and finally fetcher. Yes I mean you fetch things, a little degrading I am aware, but let's call a spade a spade.
What are you to do? Is this your life forever? You are just this mom person lost inside a body that used to belong to someone else. Someone vibrant and sexy and COOL, Yup you're gone. But not forgotten, or lost. The problem is there is not waiting for the time to arrive when you have "me time". you have to fight for it. Every moment of it too. Don't let this scare you, it's actually kind of fun. It becomes a new guilty pleasure, to skip out on a few minor responsibilities (your house will NOT clean itself, I've tried) and sit and read a book. paint your damn toenails, eat some freaking chocolate.
Finding me time is an impossibility, I promise. It will not be there when you look for it. You have to do what you do best and make something appear from nothing (mom's have magic, you know!) You can't sit there day after day and resent your husband because he doesn't clean up after himself. He is a child too, and unfortunately some are younger than others, it has now become your duty to raise him too(singles moms be grateful for this one thing). Sorry, facts are facts. If you are really lucky you got one of the models that is at least 13 on the inside and knows what responsibility is.. Mine is about 5 on the inside and currently lighting his farts on fire (yay me). Responsibility isn't even in his vocabulary. You can resent your baby for taking everything away from you, your body, your beauty and your friends. That will not help, or change things. I am about to give you some wonderful advice, I hope you are taking notes.
Love your baby. Whether he be 5 months old or 5 years old. You will never get this time back so make some memories and make 'em good. Love your husband. There was once a time when you knew he was your knight in shining armour, he still is, somewhere deep down. Take little moments to have between the two of you, most of those moments will appear unannounced, learn to recognize them when they arrive, and most importantly find some girlfriends. Women in your same position. If you are a stay at home mom, find other SAHM, if you are a part timer, find other part timers, full timers, etc... Find women who you can relate to, they will make you laugh, and they will laugh at your terrible and super dirty jokes. They will also commiserate with you about how your husband left his lunch at home and spent $10 that you can't afford on lunch that day, or how he got mad at you when he lost HIS favorite whatever. They will cry with you when you have had a horrible day, and most of all, they will make you grateful that their husband is theirs, and your husband is ALL yours!
It is no secret that women long ago had things called sewing circles, where they would gather regularly and work on a quilt or other large project together and enjoy one anothers company, wisdom and advice. Longer even then that, they worked together in groups, perhaps caring for the children or gathering and cooking food, preparing comfortable homesteads. Women get together for a reason, they need each other's company, if you don't believe me you have probably not had the opportunity yet to make long lasting girlfriends. Women need each other's life experience, we are creatures that learn by example, thank the good Lord for that. We are magic, we really are. Women are the strongest, most resilient creatures on earth. We are subject to stupidity as are men, but we can't help that.
There are many things in this world that have fallen to the wayside that has made the world a harsher environment to live in. Women have lost their dignity, pride and self respect, don't lose your identity too. There is no way to make time for yourself, it just does not exist. You have to steal time for something else, most likely something important. That is okay. Be brave and remember who you are, and learn new things about yourself. If you don't your life will quickly become miserable, and you will be wondering how it happened.
Happy Mommying!
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