Tuesday, April 16, 2013

A little thought...

I had a thought last night, before I went to sleep, about purpose in this life.

There are many things that people find fulfilling, that people enjoy, that brings about happiness and joy and excitement. But there are few things that fulfill a heart like purpose can.

This is something I have thought about before, but I have never really been able to articulate it. This will be my first attempt.

I am the type of person who analyzes everything, to the point of distraction or insanity. I look for signs and clues in everything I do, see and hear. I feel bad for people who talk with me, because if you didn't know I am silently picking apart what you say to me, and how you say it and even your choice of words. What I have learned in my life of over analyzing is first, I almost always miss the obvious because I dismiss it at the offset. The second is that I can read people fairly well. I can see happiness, sadness, past injuries, current pain, distraction etc, I happen to be pretty crafty at discerning the cause. What I wonder to myself now is, do these things comes from purpose, or better lack of purpose?

We all want to know why we are here. It is the most common unanswered question. A wise man told me it is simply to learn to love in all the ways we can. Branching off from that, I feel it is to love how we love best, I know I love best by helping.

Watching a person filled with purpose is an inspiring thing, that being said, watching a person without purpose can be heartbreaking. Constantly searching, wandering, simply being lost in a world where everything points you somewhere else.

I personally feel as though I have purpose, and great purpose at that. I have deftly slipped into this role of wife, mother and friend more easily than slipping into a warm tub. I feel that I fit better into the background (quite difficult when you look as imposing as me) I enjoy what I do, all of the hard work and frustrations that come with being a wife (particularly to MY husband) the exhaustion and difficulties of deciphering motherhood, and the intricate complexities of doling out advice and more challenging, knowing when not to, to my dear friends. These people in my life are people I love dearly. I choose not to surround myself with people who's company I am bothered with. Most people also know me as a person who freely speaks her mind, with no concern for consequences, it is nothing I cannot handle. What truly breaks my heart is seeing those whom I love so dearly wander without purpose, and there is nothing I can do.

Perhaps you, reading this now, are one of those people whom I witness, that I cannot help. It is our journey after all to learn for ourselves what this life means to us. I wonder so much about purpose. What are you here for? There are so many things that my loved ones are good at, that they excel with, but there is usually only one thing that would be their purpose. I can see for some what it could be, I never know for sure. There is one person in particular, who shall remain anonymous for it is not my tale to tell, yet this individual has more talents and gifts than I do myself, which is saying something! I hate to see the lost look on this person's face. The longing for another world, or another destination. Simply the chance to prove others wrong. To triumph above all others. I can see so many futures for this person. But the journey has only just begun and there are always many obstacles to overcome in the beginning, testing strengths, eliminating weaknesses... I suppose all of these things I am good at are for a greater purpose in the future. For now I will work to be content in watching, and helping when I can :)

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