Today is my day off, and far from relaxing and enjoying, I am cleaning and organizing. My house needs it badly, especially my work area. It is coming along very nicely if I do say so myself. The last items on my list for the day will be to fill up all my water containers, clean my bathrooms, and get some laundry done. We are down to 2 diapers...
Sadly, our vehicle was repossessed. I should be more upset by it, but ultimately I am relieved. Relieved that I do not have to worry about coming up with a payment to attempt to hold on to it for a little while longer. Relieved that I no longer have to drive a vehicle that was hemorrhaging money. There is no real chance of getting it back, and I am okay with that. Our next task is to take whatever money we bring in in the next 7 days and pay October's rent and then work on November's rent.
With the car gone, everything seems a little less hopeless. Almost like we have been able to redouble our efforts to find employment (my serving job only makes me so much) We are lucky enough to have friends that will let us borrow a vehicle or give us rides. My job is 10 miles away and impractical to walk to. With whatever extra time I have today I will be making diapers and listing them for sale. I have a decent stash of fabric hanging around. I am out of fabric for inserts, which poses a small problem of selling diapers without inserts, or spending money on fabric. I am leaning hard and fast toward selling them without.
I am intimately aware of the fact that my current situation it beyond piteous. It makes me feel bad to think about it. But we are not out of options yet. And there is always hope. With everything I lack, it is shockingly easier to focus on what I do have. I still have coffee, which is amazing, and wonderful! I still have a warm place to sleep and I still have power to keep me warm. I am elated that I get to spend the day with my fat little munchkin, that we can play and talk and spend time together! I am excited about having my work space organized (though I am sure not for long) enough to lay time aside to be productive! I am incredibly happy for my health. Even with being dehydrated, I still feel great, I have not succumbed to even sniffles.
There is a possibility of eviction, and we will cross that bridge when we get there. There is also a possibility that I could one day lose my mind and beat my hubby to death... kidding! Even with the negatives in my life I cannot help but feel incredibly blessed with the people in my life. Blessed to have my husband to spend time with, to talk to, to play with (even adults need good old fashioned play time - and not just the dirty kind!) I am simply amazed to have a child so incredible and profound as Ethan. He is insanely intelligent, and a wonder to behold! I am blessed to have God-loving people to work with on a daily basis, and beyond blessed to share my life with such incredible friends. My situation has become unfortunate, yet it only lacks money. Financially I am poor, (I know I have covered this topic before) but I am rich in love, friendship, support, skills and gifts, and many, many other things. There are people in this world that have money and have nothing else that I have, and for them I do feel pity. With all of the things God has blessed me with, I am sure I will continue to be blessed in ways I cannot imagine.
Oh, as a side note, the day my car was repossessed I had prayed for a miracle, fasted even! When I watched my car be towed away, all I felt was peace. When I think about my car being gone, I only feel happy. I know that is counterintuitive, I also know that it is a bad thing to happen to us, but I finally feel like I can breathe, and that I am not being pulled in 100 different directions.
Lord, you have given me another day to live, for that I am grateful! Let me be an instrument of your will, let me be strong and let my hands work fast and efficiently to bring joy into this world. Lord help me to be diligent in learning my life lessons, and strengthen me to adapt humility into my life. Show me a way to keep my house, and get on our feet. Lighten my path so I can follow, but also lead others with me to a life that shines for You! Let others see my resilience and know that it comes from You, bring me into myself as a child of God. Amen!
God Bless you all!