Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Day 24: As it Falls it Breaks

     Another good day at work! I think it is partially that I haven't worked as a server in so long and partly because I really just need to get out more. Transforming the husband into the house mouse is not going as well as I planned. On top of that unsuccessful mission, the water was cut completely off today. It's been 4 weeks without water and it's roughly $250 to get it back on.

   What that means for us is, first of all, no dishes, no cleaning anything that requires water, no filling water bottles to drink later. So now that I have no option for convenient water, I am incredibly thirsty. I did take my car down the road to my friend's to fill up my large 16Qt pot, 2 buckets, and 2 pitchers with water. and we are already down to 1 pitcher and 2 buckets.

    This is the part that sucks. I have to go to social services tomorrow to see if they can help. Now that I have a job, I am able to (hopefully) prevent this from ever happening again, so they will help if they can. I hate going to social services. It makes me feel like the lowest form of life. I think I might actually feel better if I turned tricks for money or danced in my underwear. But those things violate the terms of my marriage (and I'm sure eventually my dignity - no offense on anyone who does those things to survive, I pray you don't fit the stereotype.)

   I HATE, repeat hate asking for help. I really, really do. There are some things that don't bother me, if I don't know how to do something I can ask, if I don't know a word, phrase or concept I will ask or look it up myself (Like today, the digestive cycle takes 33 hours in an adult male and 47 in an adult female, averages of course - mayo clinic website) Asking for help on something that I should know, something that I should be able to do - and for whatever reason can't, or asking for help from someone who may mock me for it later, I only do if the potential consequences are outweighed by the reward. I.e. having electricity, vs. getting my ass chewed by a loved and respected family member, making me feel more worthless.

   Although all of that sucks it's ok. I will go, pray that they can help, try to formulate plan B the entire time if they can't, come home, relax for a bit then go to work. Also on my list of things I hate doing, calling the electric company and attempting to come up with a payment schedule with my currently unknown pay schedule and/or potential income. Also, talking to my landlord for the same reasons, and both of those things also should be done tomorrow. I am caught between wanting to know how much I owe everyone, and desperately not wanting to know. Simply because I feel I would be less stressed out by the massive amount I owe immediately if I didn't know what it was.

     On top of all of this, my hubby and my son are not adjusting to my work schedule as nicely as I hoped. So needless to say I was overly aggravated in a very short period of time today, by a grumpy husband and even more grumpy child. I have never been so happy for Ethan's bed time. On a positive note, I need to stay motivated. I figured how much I need to make each shift to support us until hubby finds a full time job or gets enough regular DJ shows to equate a regular paycheck. Three a week for him and $70 a shift for me. I do possess enough self discipline to maintain my bearing around shitty customers (because we have all been there) and to keep my focus on the end goal no matter what, so I am thinking $70 a shift won't be a problem.

    I did make a list of the Christmas gifts I plan to make with the intention of working on each a little everyday praying that I can complete them before Christmas. To include a comic book for my brother (who actually doesn't like me, but thinks my son is awesome) "How to Propose to Your Totally Awesome Girlfriend in Ten Easy Steps!" I don't really think he'll like it, but hopefully he will get the hint. I think if they somehow go south, I'll give him up as a brother, to have her as a sister. She is that awesome.

    For today I am grateful, that I have work, a warm home, food to eat, borrowed water to drink and clean with. An amazingly smart child who is learning new words everyday! He actually said "Hiiiiiiii!" When I walked in the door today! A husband who, although grumpy, feels it necessary to bestow upon me annoyingly aggressive cheek kisses every 30 minutes or so, then asks me even more irksome questions like "Maggsters? Do you love me?" Yes, occasionally I do opt not to respond. I am happy to have them to share my life with, and I am even more happy that God has a plan for me. I can keep that as my main focus and the rest will be background noise. Those are my final words for today! Have a fabulous evening! God Bless you!


No comments:

Post a Comment